dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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