it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
then he tried to convert me to islam
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize