So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
