these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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