He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
they're like a gay fantastic four
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
