We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
