I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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