So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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