It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize