Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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