Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
