I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
...so i touched it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
