the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
