woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Still dying that you shit outside
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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