He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Your penis caused this!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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