if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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