i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
how drunk are you?
Several
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
