'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
