i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
