i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
