New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
