There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I said "one day" and that day is not today
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
