last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
