Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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