I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
