There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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