I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize