Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
