That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize