Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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