new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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