so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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