I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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