he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize