guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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