everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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