guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize