Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
