so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
