Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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