He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
