dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
