did you get engaged???
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
