Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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