Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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