i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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