...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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