You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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