i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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