Please, let me fuck your mom
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
