I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
