he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
