every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
