my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize