you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize