we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
