the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
