My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
