is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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