Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
