So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
