im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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