I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
