I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
