with your own penis?
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
