He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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