she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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