i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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